Friday, 16 January 2009

Sunday roast

Our friends Stuart, Charlotte and their toddler Bernie came round on Sunday for lunch. While Tom and Stuart were outside being all manly in sub-zero temperatures, chopping wood and digging up frozen parsnips, I cooked the roast. I tried to really go to town on it and whip up a feast à la Jamie Oliver. This was to make up for the last time they came over for a roast, when it took us two hours to serve up a watery chilli con carne with half the ingredients omitted and partially cooked rice.

I was busy making the mint sauce and swooning over Jamie’s alluring terminology when Tom entered the kitchen, chest puffed out, and proudly wielding some outsized parsnips caked in mud. ‘I think I can safely say that with that crop I have out there, I have managed to completely slash our parsnip bill this year my darling’ he said, before placing them on my clean work surface and practically skipping out of the kitchen.

After a few last minute tantrums over the gravy and undercooked parsnips, we eventually all sat down to eat. Betty spent the entire lunch being very loyal and saying ‘yum yum’ after every mouthful. She was being such a little treasure that I even managed to put on a brave face when she swiped the last piece of Yorkshire pudding from my plate (the bit that I was saving til last), and before eating it she held it up, looked at me and forcefully said ‘Betty’s? Betty’s?’ Once she had finished theatrically devouring it she then looked for other forms of entertainment. She began taking the peas, one by one, from my plate and dropping them onto the floor and every so often would hold up her little forefinger and say: ‘One more?’ After the fifth ‘one more’ I told her not to put anymore of my lunch in her mouth or on the floor and that it was very naughty. To which she promptly said ‘one more?’ picked up a pea and dropped it onto the floor. She then smirked at little Bernie and they both had hysterics. This was new. I was the butt of their joke. She was laughing at me with her little friend.

Some time after lunch Tom announced that he was going to make some flapjacks (his latest fad) for pudding, and although our guests were trying to leave at this point he assured them that they would be ready in 30 minutes and that they really would be worth staying for. They politely obliged, and while Tom got baking and I washed up, Betty saw it as her responsibility to keep our guests entertained. She began singing with impressive vigour and expression, using a tool from her doctor’s kit as a microphone, whilst swirling dramatically round the room. I had never seen such a performance from Betty and could only attribute it to her watching too much of The X Factor. She then disappeared for a few minutes and came back dragging Tom’s two guitars behind her. She handed one to Stuart and one to Charlotte before resuming her performance and urging them to join in with her.

One hour and 40 minutes later, Tom appeared with his flapjacks, and Betty, who hadn’t stopped for the duration, looked visibly relieved, as did everyone else. ‘Sorry they took so long’ he said nervously, ‘I ran out of oats and so had to use Ready Brek instead, and then they wouldn’t set, and then I put them outside in the garden for half an hour to harden…’

12 comments:

Tara@Sticky Fingers said...

Flapjacks with Ready Brek? Wow that's a new one!
You haven't actually said what they tasted like. ARe you being kind or did you not even have the courage to try!

Oh look at that, the word verification is sykmouth!

Beccers said...

Oh dear, ready brek flapjacks! not very Jamie Oliver! sounds like Betty was a delight though!

Iota said...

Just how big were those parsnips?

Kirst said...

LOL very cute story! I haven't had good yorkshire pud in ages so I fear Meggers might lose a limb if she took my last bite..lol
I've never heard of ready brek pancakes and leaving them outside to harden was priceless.

Elsie Button said...

Hi Iota, it's Tom here. Basically my parsnips were massive. I was worried when I planted them too close together that they would end up bolting, or that they just wouldn't grow properly. My other worry - because the soil round here is very heavy clay - was that they would grow OK for a bit and then fork when they hit the hard clay a couple of inches down.

However, while a few of the parsnips were disappointing, for the most part I was delighted with my crop. There were some real prizewinners in there. Mind you I had to dig them all up, because something was eating them (a mouse? some creature with pretty tough teeth, to be able to chomp through a raw parsnip, which let's face it is basically a branch) and they are now in my toolshed awaiting recipes.

A Confused Take That Fan said...

Erm, do you think that Stuart and Charlotte will ever come back for undercooked parsnips and flapjack made with readybrek that was left to cool outside??

dulwichmum said...

What a sweet story! I love the name Bernie for a toddler - thats it, I am genuinely broody now...

Happy new year!

More than a Mother said...

May I please borrow Betty as the entertainment for my next dinner party?

Sparx said...

That was brilliant, I love that she was laughing at you... that's like a whole new world! And, digging up parsnips -

Iota said...

Thanks Tom. I have no idea what "bolting" means. I'm glad to hear you had such an impressive parsnip crop though. You and Elsie are having a fertile year.

Paradise Lost In Translation said...

Great story. Intereseting take on flapjacks. Hey, Tom, that's rats I think you'll find. They can chew through anything. I hop ethey didn't help themselves to the flapjack whilst it was cooling in the garden....

GTR said...

情色網,情色a片,情色遊戲,85cc成人片,嘟嘟成人網,成人網站,18成人,成人影片,成人交友網,成人貼圖,成人圖片區,成人圖片,成人文章,成人小說,成人光碟,微風成人區,免費成人影片,成人漫畫,成人文學,成人遊戲,成人電影,成人論壇,成人,做愛,aio,情色小說,ut聊天室,ut聊天室,豆豆聊天室,聊天室,尋夢園聊天室,080視訊聊天室,免費視訊聊天,哈啦聊天室,視訊聊天,080聊天室,080苗栗人聊天室,6k聊天室,視訊聊天室,成人聊天室,中部人聊天室,免費視訊,視訊交友,視訊美女,視訊做愛,正妹牆,美女交友,玩美女人,美女,美女寫真,美女遊戲,hi5,hilive,hi5 tv,a383,微風論壇,微風,伊莉,伊莉討論區,伊莉論壇,sogo論壇,台灣論壇,plus論壇,plus,痴漢論壇,維克斯論壇,情色論壇,性愛,性感影片,校園正妹牆,正妹,AV,AV女優,SEX,走光,a片,a片免費看,A漫,h漫