Friday, 5 June 2009

Lucky escape

When I was fourteen there was a boy in the year above me at school who had a bit of a thing for me. He would phone my house and then nervously hang up. He would hide little notes in my school bag. And he would ask his friends to ask me if I would sit next to him on the school bus. I even heard a rumour that he wanted to marry me. All of which I cruelly ignored.

Twenty years later, having not seen him since I left school, our paths crossed again. A few months ago when I was heavily pregnant, the doorbell rang early one morning. I ran downstairs wearing a hideously frumpy nightie which came to just above the knees (it is the only thing that would fit). I had unshaven legs, fat ankles, huge bump and nipples brazenly protruding, greasy unbrushed hair and no make-up on.

I swung open the front door and there he was, standing there in a courier’s uniform and holding out a large package for me. I have no idea who was more embarrassed. I quickly clung to the hope that he wouldn’t recognise me, but this hope was shattered when he handed me his handheld computer with my name emblazoned across it, for me to sign for the package. I didn’t know whether I should make a joke of it and comment on how unattractive I was looking or whether I should just say nothing and shut the door as quickly as possible. I did the latter. I imagined he would be down the pub later with his mates having a right old laugh at my expense and telling them of what a bloody lucky escape he had had.

Having got over this mild humiliation, the doorbell rang early again yesterday morning. Betty was crying because I wouldn’t give her ice-cream for breakfast and Dolly was crying because I had put her down to make Betty’s breakfast. I answered the door and there he was again, nervously smirking, and holding out another large parcel. I wasn’t sure whether to make a joke of the bedlam going on behind me. But again I said nothing, and I quickly signed for the parcel. This time, he managed a very chirpy: ‘Thanks then’ and I promptly slammed the door.

I got straight on the phone to my friend in Kent who I hold entirely responsible for these encounters and told her that the next large parcel she sends me (she has been returning baby items such as moses baskets, baby swings etc, that I had leant to her when she had her baby last year), can she please please please use a different courier service.

12 comments:

Tawny said...

Oh no. I would be mortified too! you are right for blaming your friend. You never know, she may send you something again and you will open the door looking like a million dollars!

Iota said...

Unless it is all a cover, and he is still secretly stalking you after all these years...

sew hot said...

Have confidence in all your glory, let him say whatever. You've got two beautiful babies and he delivers packages for a living.

rosiescribble said...

Definitely a lucky escape. Could have been a problem is you leave around here as we only seem to have one courier - the same man delivers good no matter who you order from!

Metropolitan Mum said...

I am with Iota on this one. The only thing worse would have been if you would have been the one with the crush. Imagine what the look on your face would have been in that case...

Metropolitan Mum said...

PS: Looks like I am addicted to the phrase 'would have been'. What's wrong with me??!!

Anonymous said...

i think it was you who had the lucky escape. imagine the courier conversations each evening and all those jiffy bags....if fate had taken a wrong turn...

MelRox said...

wow! now that was rocking!

ModernMom said...

Hi there. Stumbled across your blog and just had to comment!
I say get that girlfriend to give you a little notice the next time she sends you a big package. Be prepared. Get yourself all gorgeous and leave him drooling as you casually sign and close that door!!
LOL
Great blog:)

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Coordination Queen said...

sew hot told me to read this post. Thanks for the laugh! That was awesome. Just smile and be glad you didn't marry the delivery guy! :)

Sparx said...

Ooh, you are so cruel! But seriously, you're the one getting the packages and he's the one delivering them. I bet he was sooo nervous bringing them both to your door!!!!