We went to a fabulous wedding in Somerset on Friday, and got back yesterday evening. The return journey should have taken two and half hours, but instead it took five. Tom ignored our new lady friend and me, thought he knew better, and took a wrong turn. He now feels he needs to make amends, and last night he put the kids to bed, and cooked supper, and this morning I am getting breakfast in bed.
Anyway, the wedding was great - apart from the embarrassment of Betty sitting on a hay bale and sobbing inconsolably, and saying 'But this isn't the same as the other wedding we went to - where's the carpet? I want to take my shoes off and dance on a soft carpet - I want to be at the other wedding we went to'. This went on for some time, and when the groom overheard and looked hurt I considered throwing in the towel and leaving. Instead I bundled her up and took her for a walk around the grounds to explain that not all weddings were held at the same place.
Miraculously our little chat did the trick, and Betty became accepting of the carpetless circumstances. She got her second wind, asked for her Snow White dress to be put on, and took ownership of the dance floor til the party finished (one woman was so taken with Betty's dancing that she went up and kissed the startled little performer). Meanwhile Dolly wandered around asking everyone if she could have a swig of their champagne, and if she could borrow their phone, because she wanted to play a game.
Before the Snow White dress came out, Betty and Dolly were wearing matching Stella McCartney dresses (we have a friend who occasionally sends us these wholly inappropriate garments for our kids). Dolly took exception to her frock and spent the day angrily trying to rip it off. And Betty didn't want to wear her leggings underneath because she said she preferred the 'pretty colour of skin'. And before we'd even got into the actual wedding they both had massive grass stains on their knees and pig slobber on their hands which was wiped down the fronts of their dresses.
As we walked up the grand pathway towards the wedding venue, Betty said: 'But Mummy, when are you going to get changed?' So with me sporting Primark's finest, coupled with Birkenstocks, and my children in their designer wear, they looked like they didn't belong to me. The only thing that gave it away was the fact that Dolly was in a pair of Clark's Doodles beach shoes.
During the day, I caught up with some old school friends, a few of whom I hadn't seen for years, and we had a merry old time. I saw a bloke I was at school with and we happily chatted away for quite some time, until he said: 'I have absolutely no idea who you are'. When I told him, he said: 'No way! I totally didn't recognise you - mind you, women do tend to lose their looks as they get older'.
By the end of the night I was telling anyone who would listen: 'I write a blog you know - you must read it - it is absolutely amaaaazing hic', while spilling red wine all over the white jacket I was wearing (on loan from a friend).