We Buttons had to drive into central London last week, for a function which was being held near Tottenham Court Road. To help us negotiate the busy roads (Tom had forgotten the A-Z), we had an additional passenger in the car with us - a calm lady with a deep soothing voice, a lady completely unfazed by my children's backseat antics, and Tom's blatant rudeness and hostility towards her.
After a long journey on the M40, with the help of the lady, we effortlessly cruised down Marylebone Road, and Tom began warming slightly towards her, and commented that perhaps she was quite useful after all. It was at this point that Betty declared that she did not like the lady's silly voice. I defensively told Betty that this lady was about to single-handedly revolutionalise our experience of driving through a city. In protest, Betty talked over the lady whenever she tried to direct us.
When Tom misheard direction from the lady, mainly thanks to Betty, I could almost sense the lady inwardly tutting, as she announced for the third time in three minutes: 'Please do a U-turn at the next junction'. 'I am not doing a bloody U-turn on Marylebone Road, it is dangerous, and it is illegal,' Tom told the lady. But it was when she coolly told us yet again to go the wrong way down a oneway street that Tom began shouting, and demanded that she get out of the car. 'Why are you shouting Daddy?' Dolly asked him. 'I don't like this ridiculous lady,' he replied. 'She is a funny lady,' Dolly said.
I think the lady could sense the tension in the car, and began to sound a bit exasperated herself, as she announced for about the 56th time that she was 're-routing' us.
Just as we were literally a minute from our destination, Tom and the lady had yet another argument, so begrudgingly, and at Tom's insistance, I muted her. We then drove round and round without her, and eventually parked up, and walked for about half an hour to our destination.